Depression....I used to think this was just something people would say when they were feeling sorry for themselves. I thought it was an excuse people would make because they didn't want to get out of the bed or be involved in activities. In my mind, people would say they were depressed because they were not trying hard enough...they weren't trusting God enough....they weren't praying like they should...then I learned, I was wrong.
Depression is in fact very real. In 2011, I learned just how real it was when I fell into my own dark pit. It was a place I had never been before. It was something that scared me to my core and made me feel all alone. How could I tell anyone what I was experiencing? What will they think of me if I tell them all these thoughts running through my mind? Will my husband leave me if he finds out? Will I be able to continue to lead worship? What will my child think about her mommy who is going through this dark place?
Hide it...don't share it...don't ask for help...put on a mask and pretend it is all ok. Suck it up butter cup. Try harder. Trust God more. Pray more.
This is how I tried to deal with it because I didn't want anyone to know I had "failed". At least, that is what depression told me they would think if I told them what was happening. You see, depression wants to take your life. It wants to literally suck all your life out of you and take you down. If you have experienced it before, you know exactly what I am talking about. This is why if you know someone dealing with depression, they isolate themselves. Depression takes their life away and they do not know how to see past that dark place...so they just stay in it gripped with fear and shame.
Depression did try to end my life. I hit rock bottom and truly believed if I left this earth, everyone around me would be better off. I am so thankful that God reminded me over and over that I was not a failure....that He was not mad at me and He still had a great purpose for my life. I finally took the mask off and got help. My doctor helped me. I found a counselor. I began to journal. I started being real with people and let the good, bad, and ugly out. It was not an easy road out but it is one I praise God for every day. I still don't have it all figured out but I do have hope. I know that if I found hope, there are others out there looking for hope. I will be sharing more about depression here but not just that...many other things too. Not everyone struggles with depression but we all struggle with something. The question is, how are we dealing with that? Are we overcoming it or letting it overcome us? I hope this website, this blog, the podcasts, and videos you find here will help you to overcome!
Do It Afraid!